Living With Your Own Ideas¶
This was a 3-day intensive focusing on the concepts of redefining prothetics, rapid iterative prototyping, and different ways of looking at the world.
Day 1 - Becoming our Best Selves¶
Our first lecture was focussed mainly on redefining prosthetics and expanding the human sensory experience with cybernetics. Our speaker modified his body to create new senses for himself. In response, we had a day to make a prosthetic that allows us to become our best selves. My concept of what is best and what is a prosthetic will by nature be different from others’.
The core idea of my prototype is to subvert the gender dysphoria narratives around the hairline for transfemme individuals. Those assigned male at birth (AMAB) frequently have some form of hair loss even in the form of a marginally receded hairline called a widows peak. Even slight deviations in this hairline can be a painful experience for those not looking to identify and express themselves as male. The widows peak often denies transgender women the feeling of being able to match the feminine narratives they subscribe to. My prototype is a prosthesis that breaks down the narrative around this section of the hairline.
Yes, these are horns! By putting prosthetic horns in this contested space, we can create new anti-masculine narratives around ornamentation and self expression. This creates a new opportunity for transfemme individuals to both question their narratives around gender expression and reclaim a part of themselves that they may feel disphoric towards.
Day 2 - Becoming Something Else¶
Our second lecture focussed on the prospect of our lecturer’s process of creating prosthetics to allow himself to become a goat. It was particularly interesting to me how his initial motivations formed his research. He was interested in becoming an animal to have a vacation from being a human. In other words he was initially using animal embodiment to navigate his own depression. We had a day to make a prosthetic to become something else, and as his prototype lingered in my mind I asked myself how I wanted to navigate my feelings of grief I was working through in my personal life.
As such I made this:
This is a trash poncho. I made it because I wondered if maybe embodying trash might allow me to feel my feelings more deeply. In life we have to experience everything. If we don’t let ourselves feel the low points we won’t be able to truly experience high moments either. I want to appreciate my humanity for what it is. I don’t think becoming something to escape humanity makes sense to me.
Day 3 - Becoming an Observer¶
Our third lecture focussed on a particular artwork where a woman had a private detective inderectly hired to follow her for a day without knowing that she was aware of him. We were asked to prototype detective and subject roleplay akin to the original experiment.
Here is the log of my subject roleplay journaling:¶
12:06 I put on my trash poncho. How am I judged when I let myself be seen as trash? I won’t worry about my detective. I’ll let them have their fun.
12:08 I ought to tear pieces of myself off and force them on others. Mostly people who interact with me. Just as a conversation piece and to make people think about trash relationships.
12:18 We started. I decided to start by standing in the corner.
12:21 I gave myself to Hannah. She was pantomiming that she’s watching me.
12:23 I gave myself to Ayal. No interaction.
12:24 Ishan approached me and tried to communicate. At that moment, as trash I didn’t feel like speaking. Or rather I noticed my motivation to make myself speak was gone. Ishan noticed I’m not speaking and walked off. I gave him a piece of me.
12:28 Lo invited me to the bocadillo place. I gave myself to her. They also noticed my muteness.
12:31 I gave a piece of myself to Saúl. He chuckled.
12:32 I ran into Eleni. She seemed very amused. I didn’t say much in response. Just a smile and a nod.
12:34 I went to the bocadillo place. People are looking at me weird. At least they’re not wondering if I’m a tourist.
12:36 I got a fanta. Miscommunicated with Lo about ordering.
12:39 I gave Aishwarya a piece of me.
12:41 I asked Lo how they are in ASL. They said they should learn.
12:42 Lo reminded me that I have a lot going on right now. I suppose so, but right now I am trash, which makes it somehow better.
12:44 I gave Maryam my trashbody.
12:50 Ayal gave me a sticker with my name on it, and chatted to me a bit. He used some ASL, but it was fast and hard to read.
12:53 I gave myself to Alejandra when she tried to talk to me. She noticed I was mute and moved on quickly.
12:57 I gave myself to Ludo and Mel as well.
My detective was Ishan. If you want to see his perspective, check out his website. He lost me pretty early on and the scope of the project lost it’s original direction. It became my exploration of my sense of self and voice as a foreign body. It linked back to my second protype and expended on my embodiment of trash. I’m still reflecting on why I lost my voice and my relationship with communication.
Here is the log of my detective roleplay notes:¶
I have been assigned to follow Alejandra. On the subject of feeling judged, I want to stare at her as much as possible. Should I? Yes, but from a distance to avoid interaction. Including running away. Always from the edge or outside. I will become a truly lamentable creature.
1:06 Subject gets up immediately and begins socializing.
1:07 The subject seems indecisive but carefree.
1:08 Subject leaves the building
1:09 Subject notices me, heads northeast
1:10 The subject runs a short distance. Afraid
1:12 Subject encounters more friends
1:13 The subject considers interacting with me after crossing the street, and then doesn’t.
1:14 Subject tries to hide. Fails.
Then the subject attempts confrontation. Evasive maneuvers required.
1:15 The subject begins following me. Laughter.
1:16 Subject displays deceptive positioning around a corner.
1:17 Multiple feint attacks
1:18 Subject standing still while focused on their phone. More laughter.
1:19 More pursuit.
1:20 The subject is distracted. Imaging subject.
1:21 Subject appears to be having fun pursuing me.
1:22 Occasional bursts of running and laughter from the subject.
1:23 After unexpected external variables, the subject attempted to hide. Fails.
1:24 The subject finds unexpected friends after another failed attempt to hide. They sit and chat.
1:25 The subject feels safe with allies. Forgets the current situation?
1:30 The subject resumes pursuit of me.
1:31 The subject uses a storage shed for an ambush attack. Laughter.
1:32 Subject ceases pursuit, walking elsewhere.
1:33 Subject approaches school. Satisfied.
1:34 Ending experiment.
I think my perspective is quite dry and Alejandra’s documentation of the events adds a lot, so go check it out on her website. Overall this is something I never want to do again. I had to follow quite a bit closer than anticipated to not lose her and that changed the relationship a lot. I became less of a distant and creepy observer, and more of a nearby and immediate threat. I honestly felt relieved when she realized that she could chase me away. That way the burden wasn’t as much on me and she seemed to have fun turning the tables on me. I’m glad I could give her that reclaimation of the scenario at least.